Top Four Things You Might Need To Lose Your Baby Weight (And it’s not proper footwear and loose-fitting clothing)

Posted January 1, 2016 by Niagara Mommy in Mommy Stuff / 11 Comments

So, you’ve decided it’s time to lose the baby weight. Fantastic! You’re a rock star! You can totally do this! Being a mom though, you’ll be needing a few things that your pre-baby self probably wouldn’t think of, so here they are:

Trying to lose the baby weight? Here are a few things you might need.

#4. A good sports bra. Sounds obvious, right? Well, sure, but the ta-tas have had a serious makeover since you last stuffed them into a comfy cotton bra. The culprit? That bundle of joy you brought into the world. After the dairy closes, say hello to gravity. It’s not fun being hit in the face with a boob, or having them swing one way while the rest of your beautiful bod goes the other. (Why do they do that anyway? That shit’s embarrassing.) The ‘ladies’ are not where they once were. Accept it, and forego that cheap department store bra and strut on over to the athletic store and invest in a quality comfy new friend for the ‘girls’. They’ll thank you for it…so will your face.

#3. Control top underwear. There is nothing more distracting to me than feeling my gitch slide under my lower belly while I’m trying to exercise. I have to stop, re-adjust the underoos and get back in step without falling flat on my face. And of course, they don’t stay put, so five minutes later, I’m adjusting again! It’s just irritating, so if you can find a pair that will stay in place for an hour, good on ya.

#2. An antiperspirant. Ok, another obvious one, but this time, it ain’t for your armpits and is best used if you’re going to a gym. I’m going to go out on a limb here and confess that an antiperspirant also works in other places, like say under the lower belly that seems to have shrunk into a half-deflated balloon and folded over your panty line. Or one might use it under the boobs…you could call it “dry rack”. The point is using an antiperspirant in non-traditional places will keep the weird sweat stains to a minimum.

Losing weight after baby is tough, but you gotta have a sense of humour about it if you're going to succeed!
#1. A panty liner or pad. Yup, this is number one, and for good reason. I mean, really, shifty underwear is distracting, but peeing is just…ugh, it’s just awful. Jumping jacks? A jumping joke without protection, ladies. And it doesn’t stop there. You crunch, you pee, you squat, you pee, you stand up, you pee…what if you sneeze in the middle of a down dog?!

Oh.My.God.

Pack the pad girls…and a clean pair of undies, just in case.

With these tools of the mommy trade, you’ll be rockin’ your workouts like Richard Simmons on speed, and losing that baby weight once and for all, with no underwear issues, no boobie black eyes, and no pee problems. But wait, have I missed anything? Would you add something to this list? Shoot them to me in the comments below:)

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Hugs,
Vickie

 


11 responses to “Top Four Things You Might Need To Lose Your Baby Weight (And it’s not proper footwear and loose-fitting clothing)

  1. Samantha

    I’m dying from laughing so hard. Why? Because it’s 100% accurate. Thanks to boobs smacking me in the face, I’ve given up on the treadmill. You can find me on the stationary bike now – it’s much more boob-friendly. 🙂