My mom friends are indispensable. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. After a long day in the trenches of motherhood, my girls are the sounding board I crave.
Whether we’re getting together for a play date at the park, or meeting at a noisy bar for beer and wings, for me, hanging out with my mom friends is like a trip to a quiet sanctuary of peace and understanding.
My mom friends are the bomb, and are CRUCIAL to my sanity and self care. Yours too, babe.
But Each mom friend is different.
My BMF’s (Best Mom Friends) are all unique in their own way, but generally they fall into a couple of categories:
She’s hard to find, but man, she’s the go-to when everything goes to hell. She knows what it feels like to want to quit being a mom, just give up on the kids entirely, eat junk food and drink wine all day. She’s the one that you can go for weeks without talking to, and just pick up right where you left off.
This is the mom friend who feels your exhaustion as you feel it, who endures the tantrum as you endure it, and who sees the pure and absolute JOY of motherhood as you see it. She’s the one, and there is no replacing her.
The Neighbourhood Moms
The moms in my neighbourhood are amazing. I’m very lucky to be surrounded by so many like-minded parents. When the kids are outside, we’ll take turns watching them from our front porches. When they’re inside, there’s no awkwardness about disciplining them when they step out of line. Any incidents are passed along, so everyone’s in the know.
It’s a united front, us against the kids; and the moms always win.
The Mommy Group Moms
This is the crew you can bounce ideas off of. Tried the 3-day potty training? Did it work, or are you swimming your way to the fridge? How about allowances? How much and at what age?
They’re also the best mom friends for a kick-ass play date. The zoo, a birthday party, I even went to a picnic at a winery with these gals! (Best play date EVER) Anything to burn off the kids’ energy AND get you socializing in a group of awesome moms that’s comfy and respectful is a win-win.
The One-Time Mom
Yes, I call the one-time mom my mom friend, and I’ll tell you why. When we meet at the park, she engages me in conversation while we push our kids on the swings. She’s there with a funny face or a quick game of tag to keep my kid occupied while I have a mini Mommy meltdown. She’s the mom who holds the door open as I carry my tantrum-ing train wreck to the car.
While I’ll probably never see her again, sometimes I think this mom friend is the most precious of them all; filling in the blanks when my besties aren’t close by.
Yup, there’s no doubt that mom friends are amazing, each in a different way, but they also have one big thing in common:
Mom friends can help you ROCK this motherhood gig!
Sure, parks and mom dates are SUPER important, but there are other, less obvious things the any epic mom friend will do for you without even realizing it.
She makes it ok to suck at motherhood.
A good mom friend, whether she’s part of your mom group, or if she’s ‘The One’, will make it ok to suck at being a mom. Know why? Because chances are, she’s felt the same way about her own mothering abilities.
Just like you, she’s dealt with a public temper tantrum or two and the inevitable scornful expressions from on-lookers. And just like you, sometimes she’s stood her ground and won the battle, and sometimes she’s totally caved and hated herself for it later.
So when it happens to you, that amazing mom friend will completely understand, babe. You can count on her to talk you through the guilt, reassure you that occasionally she sucks at this too, and you can both tell your inner mom judges to shove it.
She lets you be a bad mom and Won’t judge you for it.
Sometimes, I’m a bad mom. There, I said it.
I’ve turned my back only to find that my kid’s rolled off the couch. I’ve taken my sweet time getting out of bed to get them ready for the day. In my mind, if you’re not a bad mom occasionally, you can’t be a very good one overall.
A mom friend understands this. She won’t hold it against you and throw it in your face a month later. She won’t gossip about all the “mistakes” you’re making with her husband. She gets it and will never, ever, EVER make you feel bad about it.
She’ll be there with you, admitting to all the “bad mom” things she’s done. She’ll be there, a corkscrew in one hand and a Sauvignon Blanc Reserve in the other, ready to spend some time re-affirming the Mom decisions you’ve both made, and end the evening with a toast to bad moms everywhere.
She’ll step up when you screw up.
This is something that most mom friends will definitely do if your kid isn’t safe (like grab them before they run out into the street) but when it comes to a decision that you’ve never had to make before (like whether or not your kid’s finger is broken…true story!), a seasoned mom friend like ‘The One’ will step up to help you make the right decision.
And you know what’s great about that?
If she’s worth her salt, she won’t be nasty about it. She’ll calmly take you aside to have a few words and then let you make up your own mind. She knows that you’ll come through with what’s right for your kid.
Cheers to you, bestie!
She’s Been to the Bad Places too.
I don’t think I ever knew what loneliness was until I became a mom. I’ve felt lonely of course, missing , my friends, my family, my husband, even my own mother. But NEVER had I ever experienced missing MYSELF. Losing your identity after becoming a mom is so common and sooooo awful.
Enter the mom friend, who’ll remind you of the awesome things that make you YOU, but also of the reason you became a mom in the first place. She’ll help you find that happy medium between “mom” and “you”, or at least talk you through it until you find it yourself.
She’ll let you be your own kind of mom.
When I became a mom, I was swimming in advice from other moms, including my own. While all of it was well-intended, it got really overwhelming. I’d heard so many voices with so many opinions, that I couldn’t to find my own voice as a new mom.
Cue that awesome mom friend! She’ll help you find that voice, yes, offering her own advice from experience, but she won’t lay it on thick.
She’ll gently explain what worked for her, but that only you know your child best. She’ll ask you YOUR opinions, listening and helping you clear the fog to make the decision that’s best for you and your baby.
So tell me, babe, What do your mom friends do for you?
Where would you be without them? Probably not nearly the rockstar mom that you are today!
So do yourself a solid babe, and call up your mom friend. Make a mom date and enjoy some of that much-needed time away from the munchkins of mayhem. A night in or a night out of venting, laughter and maybe a good mom cry will do you both a world of good.
Because remember, she needs you as much as you need her.
Wanna grow your own mom tribe?
Babe, you gotta meet the girls in The Moments for Mommy Club!
They’re amazing, funny and supportive, and I can’t wait for you to meet them!