Postpartum depression is the single hardest thing I’ve ever had to contend with in my life. Don’t get me wrong, giving birth was no picnic either, but having my recovery sabotaged by a dirty little mental illness just made everything so much harder.
Postpartum depression is a sneaky little bastard that creeps up on you when you least expect it. It hides in and among your already-raging hormones, stealthily camouflaging itself, and prays not to get caught.
But I did. I caught that bugger red-handed, treated it and now I’m the best mom I can be.
But how do you Know You Have postpartum depression?
Before I became a mother, I was nice. I was friendly and giving and kind. I wasn’t selfish or mean. I hardly ever got angry. I’d go out of my way to help my friends. They trusted me. They thought I was a good person. I was well-liked and reliable. I wasn’t a bitch.
Motherhood has changed me.
Parenthood is the hardest thing I have ever done. It brings me so much joy and laughter, but with it so much utter insecurity and frustration. I’m snuggling and giggling with my daughter one minute, and negotiating a new bedtime story contract via an arbitrator the next. As if dealing with estrogen wasn’t already a pain in the ass, now I get to ride the ups and downs of child-rearing too.
And while all this is true for most parents, there are things in our lives that actually make the business of parenthood a lot easier. We Canadian parents in particular have it a lot better than we might realize on a day-to-day basis. We take these things for granted, while we’re trying to ignore the judgemental stares of the general public as our toddler throws an earth-shattering tantrum in the cereal isle.
One of the things that plagues me as a parent is the idea that I’m not doing enough for my kids. Even more, that I am not enough for them. It can really screw with your head if you let it, as I learned over the past few weeks with Baby G.
The time has finally come. Your child is gearing up for the first day of school and just like them, you have no idea what to expect. What if they don’t eat their lunch? What if they have an accident? What if they freak out? What if they just need you?
I know exactly how you feel.